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Weird Science 1
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Here is
the first of the weird levitations. We have all blown a monster into
the air. What is unusual about the physics here is that a real object
will cease upward motion after it encounters an obstruction, this is
not what is happening here. After splatting against the ceiling, momentum
carries the corpse into an area with a higher ceiling. Rather than following
an arc from the original ceiling height to the deck, the corpse shoots
straight up to the new ceiling height. My theory is that the corpse has
relaxed as death ensues causing the anal spincter to release a sudden
gust of gas propelling them upwards. You may poo poo this theory and
say it stinks, but YOU explain it!
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Weird Science 2
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When two
oppositely charged BOBs get too close to each other they may sometimes
reach critical mass. The result is a tremendous release of energy that
not only annihilates the two BOBs but, in the process, the combined BOB
guts immediatly decay into a SPNKR rocket particle. My theory is that
this particle's direction of travel is spherical, that is, traveling
in every direction at the same time. The observer can only detect the
SPNKR particle as a rocket traveling directly toward them. Ob-zur-ov...
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Weird Science 3
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See? I told
you. And you thought I was making this crap up! Witness for yourself
the awesome power of nature as once again two ill fated BOBs get too
close to each other and reach critical mass. Or is that critical mess?
This second film proves beyond the eensy beansiest faintest nominal glimmering
shadow of a fricka fracken doubt that the SPNKR particle's direction
of travel is spherical.
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Weird Science 4
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SMG Levitation.
This might have happened to you too. Every now and then while emptying
a magazine of KKV-7 10mm SMG flechettes into a beastie they will suddenly
lift into the sky. Now I have never had a magazine of this ordinance
emptied into my rapidly soiling britches but I can well imagine that
somewhere between the 30th and 40th round smoking through your aching
gall bladder something in the subconscious just wants so badly to get
the HELL out of there somehow... ANYHOW that in total and complete flubber
pated desperation a long buried antediluvian instinct kicks in and, zoop,
up you go.
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Weird Science 5
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Here is
another instance of kicking the crap out of a monster so hard that he
scrapes all the hair and skin off the top of his head as he grates across
the rough filth smeared ceiling. If you listen very very carefully you
can hear an extremely faint "fweeeeeeet" as his sphincter relaxes
and the gas in his bowels propels him upwards into the higher ceiling
space. It helps if you plug your sound out port into a boom box and crank
it up to the max. Snag your grandpa's hearing aid and put the boom box
earphones over that. You may have to twiddle the graphic equalizer a
bit to get it. Keep trying. If someone speaks to you while you have the
earphones on, please remember to have the common courtesy to shout over
the noise when answering them.
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Weird Science 6
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At first
glance you may think that this is an ordinary film showing a completely
incompetent boob jerking around like Frankenstein's monster, missing
his shots and accidentally suiciding on a BOB like a total Ajax snorting
spazeroid. Well, that is what THEY want you to think! I believe
I have conclusive proof of the existence of UFOs in Marathon. I swear
I haven't had any Sterno yet this morning, nothing but Cruex, Brasso
and flea shampoo with a twist of Baby Wipes. Honest. I only drink Sterno
in the evenings. Look for yourself, at the very end of the film you will
see a small object traveling upwards at an angle from right to left.
That, me hardys, is a UFO! Or... it could be someones liver... let me
see that film again?
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Weird Science 7
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Here is
an armored Hunter who took the easy way out. Straight up. You would think
that with all that armor he had on he would at least have asked me to
unzip him first so he could shimmy his shoulders out of those stainless
steel cable spaghetti straps to let the riveted berillian alloy armor
float to the ground in gossamer folds. I guess his only other alternatives
would be to spontaneously teleport his wretched bullet ridden carcass
into another dimension or die like a scurvy dog writhing on the floor
much like an earthworm would in an electric frying pan full of firecrackers.
Sucks to be him. This film is a tad long but you can fast forward to
where I am using the SMG, after the Hunter levitates, quit.
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Weird Science 8
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This is
a double whammy film. There is some sort of mama Jamba big medicine Ouija
mojo going on in this film. First up is the incorrect heads up display.
I am firing double shotguns but suddenly the MA75-B battle rifle appears
on my heads up display. It stays there until I run out of shotgun ammo.
I feel the "evil eye" all over me on that one. A flying dead
BOB arcs into view like he is going to splatter but falls as an intact
body. A Hunter fried with repeated fusion gun fire dies a soft death.
Later in this same film we have another Hunter levitation. Although I
am peppering his ass with SMG fire at the time, I think it is all the
feathered, dried entrail hoodoo talismans I have hanging all over me
by that time to ward off the boogaties that scare the begezzus out of
him. He is probably acting like the old Warner Bros cat, Claude, who
keeps getting frightened so badly he automatically gravitates to the
ceiling. Make sure you bite down on a rabbit's foot while you watch this
one.
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Weird Science 9
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Here is
a mother-of-all-wall-plasterings. The BOB is hit so hard that while he
is being mooshed into those little acoustic ceiling tile pores at super
high pressure his body is vibrating in and out like a guitar string.
You can almost see his teeth shaking out of his head and rattling to
the floor like bloody dice. This is also known as "The Shaken BOB
Syndrome". If you see somebody shaking a BOB like this then you
should call the governmental "BOB Protection Agency" because
I am sure that the agent would like to shake BOB's teeth out too and
if you don't share they will take them away from you.
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Weird Science 10
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This is a
one of a kind thingy happening here. I charge a BOB and run straight
into him. I stop briefly only because he is in my way, my finger has
not lifted from the "forward" button. Suddenly I slip right
through him as if he were a cloud of stray ionic particles. He did not
die, he just dissapeared and I ran right through the spot he was standing
in because my finger was still pressing the damn run button. I turned
around and killed him. I suffered no ill effects from that incident but
later I realized that I was wearing his underpants... backwards.
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Weird Science 11
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Here we
have a rare MA75-B Hunter levitation from bullets only. I have never
seen this before. I am not talking about a grenade levitation, that happens
alla time. The Hunter stands his ground until I charge him then he does
with ease that which took Orville and Wilbur years to accomplish. What
possibly could have happened here is that by charging him the rate of
bullet impacts may have supplied enough energy to lift him. Rather like
the Doppler effect. If you run backwards firing, fewer bullets would
hit him in a given time period than if you were running towards him.
I may have nudged him a little with a grenade but it was definitely the
bullets that sent him into orbit. This is a long film, fast forward to
where I am using the battle rifle. Sorry about that.
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Weird Science 12
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Your basic
Staff Fighter SMG levitation. Don't worry, I won't show you another Fighter
or Hunter levitation after this. Please don't bother to send them in,
they are well documented already. The good news is that it happens at
the beginning of the film, the bad news is that it is a long ass survival
film. Feel free to quit after the levitation. I have levitated a Cyborg
with an SMG before. I really wish I had the presence of mind to save
a film of that. That was a long while ago in Hell Hole 1.5. Gotta get
cracking and work on levitating a Cyborg again, then I promise, no more
levitations!
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Weird Science 13
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Now this
one is totally different. Plus it is mercifully short because I must
have been half asleep while playing. In this film I am knocked into the
air and killed in midair. Nothing unusual about that, but the way I die
is very bizarre. I suddenly snap around backwards, do a 180, and zoom
into the Blood Trough. What would this have looked like to another player?
Did my whole body suddenly crank around or was it just my head? Possibly
my body just sank to the ground and it was my head, severed, that suddenly
flew back in the direction from which I came. This one was a real head
scratcher... now if only I can find my head...
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Weird
Science 14
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HEY! I was
tooling around in Hell Hole 1.5 trying to levitate a Cyborg with the
SMG and I'll be an ebolamonkeysuncle if I didn't levitate one of those
fume spewing, oil dripping SOBs. It was destined to fail, I mean I was
running around picking up SMG ammo and health with the intention of just
picking fights with Cyborgs for a levitation. It should have taken years
of all nighters trying to oomph one of those suckers into the ozone for
no other reason other than just because I was trying to do it. Watch
for yourself as half a metric ton of synthoflesh, hydrolics and syncromesh
turbo gears are magically lifted up several stories from the high velosity
energy of a magnum SMG. I would imagine if you had smoking flechettes
schlucking into your ill protected nether regions you'd be high stepping
it too! OK, no more levitations unless they are really weird in some
way.
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Weird
Science 15
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We all know
that a SMG shoots through water. What happens though when you shoot through
a column of water onto a dry surface? Weird science is what happens!
When the SMG flechettes hit the media column they spark, not weird enough?
Well when they exit the column and strike a dry surface... they SPLASH!
See it for your self in this film.... I thought you would never ask,
YES, I have a theory. Hollow points me boyo. The flechette projectile
must be a hollow pointed round, as the round passes through the media
the hollow point fills with media, when it strikes a dry surface afterwards
it splashes out of the hollow.
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Weird
Science 16
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Here is
a fine example of getting hammered into the crack between two split polys.
In the film you will see me suicide against a BOB with my SPNKR like
the true slack-jawed spazeroid I have decayed into. I am thrown back
onto a vertex that joins a regular poly to a standard split poly. This
teleports me (for some reason) into the middle of the adjoining split
polys. Not only am I suddenly in the middle of the split polys, I am
at the wrong height, the ceiling/floor height is way way above my head.
Not a bit befuddled by this, the Marathon engine slowly lifts my battered
corpse to the proper height like I was on some sort of elevator to heaven
which is even MORE weird because that is NOT the direction I'll be heading!
I was unable to duplicate this but here it is for you to see for yourself...
the enigma we call Marathon.
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Weird
Science 17
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This one
is a weapons glitch. You have to look closely to see this one and you
have to suffer through 48 seconds of me spazing a grenade into my own
teeth, messing with the tiny mind of a BOB who is trying to open the
damn door, and miscellaneous lurching until you see me duck into one
of those lit side alcoves in the wall. I jump in there for cover because
I have just fired the last rocket in the pack and I am vulnerable until
my SPNKR reloads. As I come out of the alcove my trigger is pressing
on the fire button and not only does the rocket fire before the SPNKR
animation brings the rocket launcher up to my shoulder, that rocket is
free. I Still have two rockets left, one of which I fire and the other
I scamper away with.
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Weird
Science 18
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Multiple
monster shots from a platform. Back when I was making the World Tour
Net pack I created a small platform in one of the levels. As I was play
testing the level a Trooper teleported onto the platform and was stuck
there. You see, the platform had no stop time, it was always in motion,
and did not allow time for him to animate off of it. He was able to shoot
from the platform but not while it was moving, only the split instant
it reached the top or bottom of its travel. By the time the platform
had reached a terminus the monster had attempted to fire numerous times
but his firing animation could only engage during that instant the platform
was not in motion. When it stopped, a hail of dozens of grenades showered
out from him. I do not have that film anymore but I have another film
that shows somewhat the same thing. A NetBOB on top of a platform firing
a dozen rockets at once. Again we have a case of the arrested firing
animation. Watch closely, it is at the end of the film.
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Weird
Science 19
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Here is
one that once I noticed it the first time I started seeing it again later
in other maps. That is so weird how that happens, you know how once you
notice something you suddenly start seeing it all over the place. Like
Kevin Bacon movies? Anyway, I was tooling the monsters in "The Holodeck" level
of D-Day not too long ago and I noticed a Cyborg poot out a grenade.
It bounced once then again higher then again so high that it bounced
through the sky texture and disappeared! What was up with that?? My theory
is flubber grenades. What else bounces higher with each bounce?
Nothing, so therefore, it was made out of flubber. Why flubber? Well
why not! Look at the wild weird and wacky experimentation
the US military does for criminy sake. Chicks in the military
for one: "This crater could really use some curtains", "WIPE
YOUR FEET! You just walked through blood you big oaf", "Can
you be a dear and open this jar of whoop-ass for me". So again I
ask, why not flubber grenades??? Anyway, look for the grenade after I
get knocked into the blood trough. I play like a spaz so I die quickly
and it ain't like you need a bowl of popcorn or nuttin.
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Weird
Science 20
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Hey, you
know what you don't get enough of here? Cyborg levitations. Sure sure
sure I know you didn't sneeze while chewing a big mouthful of levitation
and that all that levitation coming out your nose and mouth and tear
ducts and all the levitation bits all over your shirt and CRT is from
watching all these damn levitation films but consider this: You have
not yet popped. So here to help you pop from watching too many levitations
is yet another film showcasing a Cyborg levitation. You don't have to
thank me, watching you explode is all the thanks I need! Now I know you
can't wait to watch this film but first let me offer a new theory I've
been kicking around. Why do they jump up as opposed to jump back or to
the side or stand their ground or just run away? The CIA is beaming mental
instructions directly into its Cyborg brain from weather satellites through
holes they punched into the ozone with Miss Clairol Extra Hold hair spray!
To test this theory I must play against a Cyborg with tin foil on it's
head. I mean, if tin foil has consistently stopped "The Voices" for
me personally in the past then tin foil should work on a Cyborg too,
and if the Cyborg never levitates while wearing a tin foil turban then
it is indeed solid Weird Science. You can fast forward to where I am
using the SMG or you can just suffer through the whole damn thing.
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Weird
Science 21
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Here is
something new. I don't know what to call it, possibly micro-teleportation
or instant poly hopping. I am hit by a rocket and my tub of stinking
guts flies through the air over a flight of long wide steps (1WU X 1WU).
I seem to be teleporting from the center of one step poly to the leading
edge of the same poly while still maintaining my unaffected downward
arcing plummet. This might seem to be a simple defective teleport poly
but this same set of polys has been traversed a billion times from all
directions with out ever teleporting me. DON'T try this at home
kids, it may look easy but it was more painful than using your face to
push a rabid cat into a bag full of weenie dogs. You may notice a long
pause before I start moving after the film starts... I'm busy unwrapping
a Hershey's Kiss. I can't just rip it open and pop it in my mouth, I
must slowly undress it like it is a tender, pouting chocolate breast
thrust out with yearning and adorned in a delicate and frilly foil brassiere.
Hence the extra long delay, you chocolate lovers will understand, the
rest of you can eat my shorts. You can fast forward to the second time
I am using the flame thrower.
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Weird
Science 22
You must own Marathon
2: Durandal to view this film
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MjolniR sent
me this amazing "Marathon 2: Durandal" net film from the Bungie
level, "Thunderdome". You should all view this and learn. In
it he is fighting against his arch nemesis: the horrendously vile, wicked,
vicious and despicable "Honorable Logaan-san". Logaan graduated
from the Imperial Japanese School of Aviation with high honors and pretty
much has his kamikaze routine down pat. He will rush you with his SPNKR
and suicide on you then respawn quickly and gather all the change that
fell out of your pockets. Now I'm not one to criticize one's net style
because all is fair in love, war, ice hockey and net games, and I have
done this myself. Until I viewed this film, I never knew that there was
a way to survive an attack like this. You can see MjolniR not only endure
and leave the encounter without a scratch, but the attacker is splattered
into chum! Do I have a theory you ask? YES I have a theory.
It has to be that metal plate in MjolniR's head, a byproduct from the "She
Had an Older Brother" incident that so "rerouted" MjolniR's
love life. You will notice that sometimes he is killed with a suicide
but the one time the metal plate is facing the angle of attack, he survives
with nothing worse than spontaneously mass producing a soft, warm 7 lb
load in his pants. You can fast forward the film to where he is using
double fists, then watch for when they are in the center of the arena
after that.
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Weird
Science 23
You must own Marathon
Infinity to view this film
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This very
informative and morally instructional film was inspired by Onan, created
by Alister and donated to Weird Science by his brother Malaka
Mags. The film shows Alister playing the Vidmaster's Challenge in
the "If I Only Had a Rocket Launcher Somebody Would Pay" level.
Alister is doing fine until he runs out of fusion batteries. Just in
the exact same instant he drains his last battery he powers up the secondary
trigger on the Fusion Pistol. He is stuck in secondary trigger power-up
mode yet the weapons display switches to the next available weapon. In
addition, the out of ammo sound keeps playing. Poor Alister is blindly
running about trying to switch his weapons but the only thing that changes
is the weapons HUD. The empty Fusion Pistol is still stuck in his hand
and the trigger is still stuck on overload. I would love to have a recording
of what he was saying during this time-of-much-scampering. Poor Alister
suffers the fate of all who have over extended the secondary trigger
time limit, he is now wall pigment. I have a theory about what caused
this. Careless masturbation. Alister should have at least wiped his hand
off on his shirt before picking up the weapons for a fight. Men, always
wash your hands after you pleasure yourself! Remember, the Fusion Pistol
(unlike your "pork bazooka") is a very delicate and finely
tuned instrument. Now I'm not here to judge this... ::shudder:: icky
dirty little disgusting pervert but, you are here to spill alien blood,
not your seed. Stay focused!!
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Weird
Science 24
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Every now
and then something weird happens here in the Weird Science page, I figure
something out, ie Marathon doesn't like the edge of things! When things
change over from one state to another or from one poly to another etc,
Marathon is vulnerable to confusion, as in Weird Science 8, 16, 17, 18,
21, 22 and 23. In fact this film appears to be very much the same glitch
as in film 22. But now I have gotten ahead of my self because this is
a double whammy Weird Science film. First out of the can is the
strange case of the critical mass BOBs at the beginning of the film.
I open a door and "BOOM!" 2 oppositely charged Bobs
reach critical mass and decay into a SPNKR particle. (See Weird Science
2 and 3) This sets the stage for the next event, I plan to suicide against
the wall in order to make the film mercifully short for viewers. I pick
up a launcher and a rocket, run back a ways and kamikaze against the
wall. Just as I reach the wall, SPNKR ammo reappears and I pick up a
rocket pack the same instant I fire the weapon. Nothing happens
in the explosion other than my face getting so black I am now eligible
for slave reparations. I was in the twilight zone of Marathon, the Periphery
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