Gary L. Simmons  rev 08/05/03  http://battlecatslitterbox.com/Humor/askdrstupid.html
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Every now and then someone gets the impression that I have a clue. I would like to put a stop to this rumor right now. Did the Chinese Emperor Quin Shihuang know the firing techniques of all those ceramic warriors? No he just had them commissioned to be buried in his stinking burial pit. Did Carter know all the names of the all those damn little liver pills? No way, he just arranged for them to be molded out of sugar and sent to the dufus consumers of his day. In like manner Grolier couldn't tell you the 1956 gross

 

national product of Peru to save his frickin big toe from being amputated in a bet. Nor could Webster spell "floccinaucinihilipilification" or Neil Armstrong get his "first spoken words on the moon" line right. Hell, I too just work here. Anyway, Chris Komarnicki emailed some real gurus with a question and included my name in the list so there was no way in hell I was going to pass up the opportunity to pull on his nose. Heck fire, if you give me some ammo then by damn I'm going to shoot it all up!



The Email

From: Chris Komarnicki <chriskomarnicki@yahoo.com>
To: hamish sanderson <hhas@my-deja.com>, gary simmons <glsimmons@hotmail.com>, Claude Errera <errera@bungie.org>
Date: Tuesday, January 9, 2001 7:51 AM
Subject: transfer mode period

hi guys,

i figured one of you gurus would know the answer to this:

what does the transfer mode period, in the shapes file sequences, ...do? i understand the transfer modes, but the timings don't seem to have any affect on the sequences. am i missing something here? i couldn't find any documentation on this...
-chris

The Reply

From: Gary L. Simmons <glsimmons@hotmail.com>
To: Chris Komarnicki <chriskomarnicki@yahoo.com>, hamish sanderson <hhas@my-deja.com>, Claude Errera <errera@bungie.org>
Date: Tuesday, January 9, 2001 3:57 PM
Subject: Re: transfer mode period

<THUNDER>You have come to the right person for I, Gary, know all</THUNDER>. Yes of course your feeble little mortal brain would struggle with this simple little problem, problems which Hamish, Claude and myself here on mighty Olympus solve on an hourly basis. Please do not feel too inferior, it is very, very, very hard to become as smart as we are. I, for one, have spent my lifetime in the undying pursuit of knowledge and excellence. One of my specialties happens to be Marathon and especially the pesky nuances of Forge and Anvil. They can be vexing at times can't they? ::hehe:: Darn ol' Forge and Anvil.

You have actually shown a grain of intelligence by at least knowing enough to come to me for the answer. Lamp onto my feet my son... er... lamp back a little would ya, you lamped right on top of 'em. Sorta just schooch up to 'em is all. Thanks, that's much better. I must commend you on your presence of mind to come to me as the source of your answers. I indeed will enlighten you to this thingy which has you so baffled. O' foul, tempestuous, unknown thingy! For it says in Deuteronomy, 4:15 "Take ye therefore good heed unto yourselves; for ye saw no manner of similitude on the day that the Lord spake unto you in Horeb out of the midst of the fire."

You must always remember that there is no such thing as a stupid question, no matter how hard everybody laughs at you when you ask it. Of course, you can phrase the question stupidly. You can also have a stupid expression on your face when you ask the question. Other stupid things can happen while you are asking the question such as: your pants suddenly fall to the floor or you get an obvious boner or you swallow a bug. Even if you are a giggling drooling beast trying to sire your own hand during the question, this should not reflect on the quality of the poor innocent question itself. Generally speaking, the question is usually very much smarter than the inane dolt asking it so Chris, really, you should not worry about the question being stupid. Let's just put that to rest right here and now and say no more of it. Just let them laugh and shoot milk out their noses and wipe their teary eyes and giggle about it around the water cooler, you own the high ground here.

You did the right thing by coming to us with your question. Please, if you have anything else you need to know do not hesitate for one single solitary half of a split hundredth of millisecond to venture back. It is our honor and privilege to help folks such as yourself, a struggling scenario developer, to master the ins and outs, ups and downs, side to sides and round and rounds of Forge and Anvil.

It has been a pleasure serving you,

Symbol Thingy
the artist formerly known as the Battle Cat


Check out these other links to more of the Battle Cat's Marathon related humor

Humor Index | MaraMag Article | PC Hell Hole | Beta Testing | 10 Gal. Butt Plug | Recipe for a Good Pfhor | Gorbel Dacking Film | Duality Review | Dirty Secret | Ask Dr. Stupid | Courtney & Loren Exposé | Christmas Aboard the Marathon | Kirkpatrick VS the Battle Cat | Marathon Comics | MarineBOB Spacepants | Lh'owon Lutefisk | 12 Days of Marathon Christmas

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