For many, this will be your first look at an actual Duality screen shot. Are you as disappointed as I was? It is my opinion that Double Aught is in total nose-picking, slack-jawed, crap-in-your-pants-cause-the-bathroom-is-too-far-away screw-off mode. They are resting on their laurels, drinking beer, leering at our women and spending our money. Duality is a complete and total rip-off!

Does that weapon look familiar?!? It should, it's the MA-75B Battle Rifle from Marathon Infinity with this cheesy, stupid looking gun site glued to the front!! And the ammo, the AMMO, they thought they could just call it something different and we wouldn't notice. Even more annoying, those illegitimate, buck-toothed, sons of the giggling, drooling beasts that sired them removed rounds from the magazines, forcing you to hit the action key every time the game engine encounters a missing bullet.

Criminy. Remind me to review the rest of their weapons sometime. Where are all the ballyhooed rounded surfaces Double Aught was expending all that bad breath on? On their web page, THAT'S where. We are all suckers.We have been duped, hoodwinked, hustled, gypped, bamboozled, bilked and flimflammed. Duality appears to be a blatant and poorly done remake of Infinity. They didn't even bother to change the heads up display. Oh sure, sure, they changed the way the shield power is displayed, the readme that came with the alpha said it was supposed to represent burning your candle at both ends but they even screwed that up because it depletes from the MIDDLE!

Speaking of readmes, how the HELL do you get a coffee-mug-bottom-coffee-ring stain on an electronic document?! Those guys are getting really sloppy.

How about that monster? Don't have any nightmares tonight. It pokes you with that little cane it is carrying. This is the monster that fills the role of the Fighter in the Marathon series of games. I hope you survive the Elven Bunnies, they want to sing with you and you get demerits if you can't type in all the sappy words. You don't actually get shield damage because I guess the grit eating idiots at Double Aught thought that would lower your self esteem. The Binkies are a race of mice that Thumbelina befriended. Don't ask. I found myself writhing on the ground in sack cloth and ashes, plucking my eyes out with fiery brands and beseeching God to rain fire and brimstone on me from on high rather than "fight" another Big Dummy. I don't even want to talk about it because I will just start crying again.

One last thing. Gay BOBs. Political correctness taken again out of context. The other instance being the main character in the comm terms. Beulah Abdul X is a disgustingly fat, blind, crippled, non Christian, mongoloid, black chick. Or as Double Aught put it in the readme, "otherly cheese-burgered, otherly wall-interfacing, otherly worthless, otherly bullied, otherly specied, otherly freckled, otherly dicked." None of this has any bearing on the story whatsoever! None of this ever came into play! Well, other than the time she stuck that gargantuan, corpulent, jiggling, pimpled ass of hers into a massive hull breech. I guess they feel they are reaching out to the masses and they care that they stole our money and if we gave them some more money then maybe we could all just get along.

Back to the gay BOBs. Sure, OK, homos play these games too. That's fine, I have no problem with gay people. The Godforsaken, sick, perverted, disgusting, filthy things they do behind closed doors is none of my business no more than the Godforsaken, sick, perverted, disgusting, filthy things I do behind my doors is any of their business. However, note the motion detector. The gay BOBs are represented by pink triangles (THAT was not very sensitive Double Aught!). Do you see how the gay BOB isn't fighting but heading over to hit on the straight BOB? Notice how the straight BOB saw the gay BOB swishing over, gulped, stopped fighting and beat feet? All the straight BOB could do for the next hour was to talk sports, spit, scratch his nuts, and wax his pickup truck. This happens every time there is a BOB fight. Everybody is making love (or avoiding it) and not making war! Once I action-keyed a secret door and there was this big pile of gay BOBs and I could not tell who had what in who's what, meanwhile I had two Elven Bunnies and a Big Dummy hot on my heels trying to make friends. *knock knock* HELLLLLLLOOOOO?! I COULD USE A LITTLE HELP HERE!!

Well, if you haven't caught on by now, I am very disappointed in the Duality Alpha that Double Aught sent me to test. They have not lived up to their promises and seem to have been side-tracked by a number of unrelated issues. Most of all, they seemed to be on a really bad Al-Gore/Walt-Disney acid trip. The repeated references in the comm terms to PH challenged rain, the plight of the unhugged whales and El Nino, El Nino... hey Al, KICK THE BABY! Sure the Algore/Disney IQ is DoubleAught but that doesn't mean those turkeys have to sit in on the meetings!