Related Marathon Humor

Christmas Aboard the Marathon

There is a sort of tradition of the Battle Cat posting a Christmas greeting called "Christmas Aboard the Marathon" at a newsgroup called alt.games.marathon that has been going on for about 7 years or so. It has undergone some transitions over the years. It started out like this:

Merry Christmas everyone and happy CARNAGE in the new year!

This went on until Christmas 2000 when I changed the greeting a little to allow the Trooper to get a little wiser after having played the map with me for so many years. Observe:

As usual around Christmas time when there is a war, the soldiers will sometime lay down their arms and come together for a moment in warmth and peace. Such a thing happened on board the Marathon today. Silent Night was playing over the intercom system during a lull in the fighting. I happened upon a squad of Pfhor projectile fighters led by a Purple Trooper. An odd thing happened, we just looked at each other, no one powered up their weapons. I slowly took my hand from the grip of my holstered .44 Magnum. The Trooper stepped forward and offered his hand saying gently, "Uhh er uhh ahhhh". This was an awkward moment for us both. Soon we were all singing carols and sipping eggnog. I reached into a side flap of an ammo pouch, found my lucky Bhanta foot and gave it to the Trooper. In kind he gave me a small cylinder with a blinking light. It was magical, and as he turned to rejoin his squad of blue fighters, a tear started to well up in my eye making me think, "What the HELL is going on here?!?" I planted a rack of SPNKRs into the Trooper’s stinking butt crack and took out the rest of his squad with my MA-75B Battle Rifle only moments before the small cylinder the Trooper gave me exploded with deadly force. Hitting my action key I swore poetically and replayed the room without all the singing, weeping and good intentions... the way Marathon was MEANT to be played!

Merry Christmas everyone and happy CARNAGE in the new year!

The Christmas of 2001 saw the Trooper finally wising up and just putting a stop to this whole Christmas greeting nonsense:

As usual around Christmas time when there is a war, the soldiers will sometime lay down their arms and come together for a moment in warmth and peace. Such a thing happened on board the Marathon today. Silent Night was playing over the intercom system during a lull in the fighting. I happened upon a squad of Pfhor projectile fighters led by a Purple Trooper. An odd thing happened, we just looked at each other, no one powered up their weapons. I slowly took my hand from the grip of my holstered .44 Magnum. The Trooper stepped forward and offered his hand saying gently, "Uhh er uhh ahhhh". This was an awkward moment for us both. Soon we were all singing carols and sipping eggnog. I reached into a side flap of an ammo pouch, found my lucky Bhanta foot and gave it to the Trooper. In kind he gave me a small cylinder with a blinking light. It was magical, and as he turned to rejoin his squad of blue fighters a light bulb lit up in his dim little pinhead. After 6 years of repeatedly playing the same level in the same map he finally realized I was going to spin around any moment and plant a rack of SPNKRs into his stinking butt crack. Quickly he barked a command to his corporal and the Pfhor squad opened fire. A grenade lifted my feet from the deck plating making me an easy target for the fighter staff's energy bolts to pin me against the bulkhead. The trooper charged with his battle rifle spewing metal slugs into my twitching, jerking form. Helplessly I fumbled for a weapon as I watched my shield bar rapidly slide from half yellow, to red, to nothing. As my lifeless battle helmet sank to the deck and recorded the scene, the squad of Pfhor pulled down their pants and slid back and forth across the room in the gore on their naked butts. Where's that damn action key!

The Pfhor could be heard as they ran out of sight,
Happy CARNAGE to all and to all a good FIGHT!

A savvy guy named Benjamin 'Rincewind' Riley did a cartoon depiction of the above 2001 Christmas greeting at his web site called the midlands. It is very cool and the reason I finally put "Christmas Aboard the Marathon" onto the related humor page. You can access the graphics by clicking here. There are two pages, click on the next page link at the bottom to see the second page. Enjoy this visual treat everyone and THANK YOU Benjamin! For the sake of continuity in case his web site bites the Internet dust, I have back up images on my site. If the above link does not work, then you can view Page 1 and Page 2 courtesy of the Battle Cat's Litterbox.