Hey SCREW you too... uh, how did you learn about the secret cringe command? Did Bungie tell you too? Usually during a big fight I go find a dark corner, hit my secret cower and cringe buttons and let the BOBs do the fighting. Did they tell you about the whiz key too? You can run faster after you whiz. I generally like to use the whiz key when I am suddenly confronted with the enemy or when there is no place to hide and all hell is breaking out.

So anyway, your stupid level SUCKS, basshole! You want some points? Check out the top of your head in the mirror, you lame, weak, girly duffus! There are no monsters in it, butt wipe. What sort of little sissy baby makes a level without monsters, ya retard? I can just hear your whiney voice, "I know snookie wookums, let's vacation at the Habanero Palace, there's no monsters this time of year." Just as well, because there is no AMMO you stupid twitching fool. And that's just as well because there's no freakin' weapons either!!!! I could go on and on. You couldn't pick your nose without a tour guide and if you did, you sure wouldn't have picked that huge red honking crane-thing that is hanging off your face! What a lame-ass map! Ooooo it's night time there, where's my flashlight, oooohhh it's dark outside, it's sooooo scary, time to hit the whiz key. You call that packing crate a dinner table you limp lettuce? Where the hell is the bathroom? Gotta use my crap key.

There isn't even a way off this finger-in-the-eye level. Like I really want to be stuck here the rest of my life, I'm surprized Barney isn't here. What the hell were you thinking of, you butt-munch? I threw up on one of your "endowment for the arts" paintings, see the attached film. Oh right, like you didn't know about the hork key either. What else is there? Oh yeah, no powerups. Just as well because it looks like I am going to die from natural causes in this "Mr Rogers verses Lambchops" hell house. Suicide at least. I shouldn't bother to help a lame-o like you. No save term either, ya stupid dork. What the blankety blank are we supposed to do here? If you had it set up for cooperative play at least we could all sit around and get in touch with our inner child! Well, not me anyway, I molested mine and he won't come anywhere near me anymore. But maybe we could all gather around and hold hands, sing sensitive songs about the environment and relationships and cry and eat some GODDAMN SMORES!!

I oughta come over there to fag town and chop your hands off, you pathetic puke. Whatever it takes to make you stop cranking out this sort of useless garbage! I sent a copy of your level to Bungie and they all said it's time to rotate your butt plug you sorry moronic shit. This is probably not a good time to tell you, but all the guys are laughing at you behind your back. It is vomitus like this that is selling more copies of Doom. Screw you and the wailfully dismal map you rode into town on!

the Battle Cat

P.S. It SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!